a time for love

How long does it take to fall in love? Can you put a time limit on it? Probably not; after all, once you put an expiration date on love, arguably the greatest human emotion, then what protects all other feelings and thoughts from the same boundaries and limits? And once we put our emotions in a box, what will make us human? So then, how long must one wait before giving up hope and moving on? How many times must my heart break and how many tears must I cry before throwing in the towel and moving on? If not now, then when?

Whenever people ask if I have a crush on a boy, I always have a very difficult time answering the question. My response is always No, but in truth, I'm never confident of that answer. What is a crush, after all? It's someone you like, but what defines "liking" a person? Is it just a person whose presence I thoroughly enjoy? Because then in that case, I have a lot of crushes. Or, is it someone I'm attracted to? Because in that case, I have a crush on the guy who's sitting two tables away from me right now. Of if it's someone who I would like to spend more time with, and get to know better, then once again, that leaves a number of people on my list. Because, you see, there are a myriad of boys/men/guys whose presence I enjoy and want to get to know better. But it's most likely because I'm facinated with the way people act and think and I'm slightly an extrovert and like being around other people (most of the time at least).

So if there's no no time limit on love and no clear definition of like, then how am I supposed to plan life? It's impossible to schedule things like meeting people and falling in love, but sometimes it'd be nice to have some sort of general guideline for the journey. I'm not the type of person who blindly drives, hoping for a gas station in the next 30 miles or cluelessly mixes ingredients with a clue. But I am the type of person who looks around and tries to figure things out. And I'm trying, but it's not easy. Everytime I think I'm closer to finding the truth, closer to understanding why, I find myself with just more questions and few answers. Without putting love in a box, it's impossible to contain and examine it. You can't understand the finer threads of its being, or the reason for existing without examining it under a microscope. And if you can't contain it, then you can't examine it.

So on the subject of like and love, I'm completely lost. And it's slightly ironic because with all my experiences, one would think I have a little more direction. But in truth, all my stories and times with the male species have left me only more lost and confused than before. I cannot (and probably never will) understand the way they think, act and function. And you know, maybe that's for the better. Because in the end, everyone needs a few secrets.