How long does it take to fall in love? Can you put a time limit on it? Probably not; after all, once you put an expiration date on love, arguably the greatest human emotion, then what protects all other feelings and thoughts from the same boundaries and limits? And once we put our emotions in a box, what will make us human? So then, how long must one wait before giving up hope and moving on? How many times must my heart break and how many tears must I cry before throwing in the towel and moving on? If not now, then when?
Whenever people ask if I have a crush on a boy, I always have a very difficult time answering the question. My response is always No, but in truth, I'm never confident of that answer. What is a crush, after all? It's someone you like, but what defines "liking" a person? Is it just a person whose presence I thoroughly enjoy? Because then in that case, I have a lot of crushes. Or, is it someone I'm attracted to? Because in that case, I have a crush on the guy who's sitting two tables away from me right now. Of if it's someone who I would like to spend more time with, and get to know better, then once again, that leaves a number of people on my list. Because, you see, there are a myriad of boys/men/guys whose presence I enjoy and want to get to know better. But it's most likely because I'm facinated with the way people act and think and I'm slightly an extrovert and like being around other people (most of the time at least).
So if there's no no time limit on love and no clear definition of like, then how am I supposed to plan life? It's impossible to schedule things like meeting people and falling in love, but sometimes it'd be nice to have some sort of general guideline for the journey. I'm not the type of person who blindly drives, hoping for a gas station in the next 30 miles or cluelessly mixes ingredients with a clue. But I am the type of person who looks around and tries to figure things out. And I'm trying, but it's not easy. Everytime I think I'm closer to finding the truth, closer to understanding why, I find myself with just more questions and few answers. Without putting love in a box, it's impossible to contain and examine it. You can't understand the finer threads of its being, or the reason for existing without examining it under a microscope. And if you can't contain it, then you can't examine it.
So on the subject of like and love, I'm completely lost. And it's slightly ironic because with all my experiences, one would think I have a little more direction. But in truth, all my stories and times with the male species have left me only more lost and confused than before. I cannot (and probably never will) understand the way they think, act and function. And you know, maybe that's for the better. Because in the end, everyone needs a few secrets.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
guess who's back
It's been exactly one month since I last posted. That is just way too long. A lot has happened since then, and since I cannot recap everything that has happened... I won't even begin to try. You can check out my Xanga, which is more frequently updated. I did feel like I owed this blog an update, especially with all the craziness that has gone on today. I can no longer procrastinate presenting my views on the subject.
I still like Britney, Paris, and Lindsay.
That's right, I'll say it, and I'll defend it. Do I agree with their actions? No. Do I think they made mistakes and acted stupidly? Yes. But will I continue to sympathize and follow their stories? Absolutely. And let me explain why.
Because, in the end, they are just people, trying to live their lives. And I'm sure I've discussed this before, but these girls, and many others, are simply growing up, and going through phases like you and me. The only difference- they have millions to spend and every mistake they make gets not only splashed across gossip and magazine pages, but also headlined in sources like CNN and The New York Times. Now THAT'S publicity. I completely understand where these girls (women?) are coming from, and yes, I feel for them. It can't be easy having to go through every struggle and problem in the public eye. I can think of a million mistakes I've made and I'm glad that they're not put out there for everyone to know and pry about.
But that's the price they must pay. I'm sure it's nice to be able to buy a new Chanel purse every month and go to the hottest clubs and party until 4am, but all of this comes with a responsibility. After becoming famous, whether by individual accomplishments or family ties, one must realize that you will be viewed by the public, and you have a responsibility to properly represent yourself and your family. I understand they are growing up, and just want to have fun like "normal" people, but I don't make excuses for their actions.
Do I think Kevin deserves full custody of the kids? Maybe. I honestly don't think either of them can single-handedly take care of the two boys and I do feel bad for them, because no matter what, they're going to have one diffcult puberty. I think Britney does need to get herself together and start taking her responsibilities as a mother seriously.
Do I believe Paris has truly changed for the good? Possibly. I think she's earnestly trying. And although I'll never really know the truth about what happened in the jail, I can only hope that she learned her lesson and has matured. Whether she's truly reformed for just a really good actress for the positive publicity, I can only hope that something good comes out of it. And by something good, I mean for the greater community, not her image.
Do I think Lindsay is a wreck and needs to get her act together? Totally. I think she's dealing with desires and issues that are common for people our age (she's a few months younger than me), but I think she needs to find a healthier way to figure out her life, and she really does need more help than she's getting. I almost feel bad for her, because, and I don't know the full story obviously, but it is clear that she is not in a healthy environment that is conducive to her reformation. If she really, truly wants to change, I earnestly think she needs to get away from California and go to Kansas or someplace remote, away from everyone, take a year or so off and really figure out what she wants and what she's doing. Less drastically, she needs to surround herself with positive people and look deep within her soul. It may sound cliche, but it's totally true- I live and believe it. And you know, maybe after all her soul searching, she'll realize that she wants to continue down this destructive path. As long as she comes to that conclusion on her own, without the pressure of society and those around her, and as long as she can accept the consequences of a troubled future, jailtime, and harm to herself, then I say as long as she's not on the same road as me, then good luck to her.
In the end, this is what I say. Give them some time. Give them support. If they want help, offer it. In the end, they have to make their own decisions; it's their life, and they can choose how to live it. Christina went through her phase, and she's honestly matured and grown. Courtney Love went through a dark period, but look at her now. She's slowly coming back. It takes time and it's not easy. But they've got to try.
I still like Britney, Paris, and Lindsay.
That's right, I'll say it, and I'll defend it. Do I agree with their actions? No. Do I think they made mistakes and acted stupidly? Yes. But will I continue to sympathize and follow their stories? Absolutely. And let me explain why.
Because, in the end, they are just people, trying to live their lives. And I'm sure I've discussed this before, but these girls, and many others, are simply growing up, and going through phases like you and me. The only difference- they have millions to spend and every mistake they make gets not only splashed across gossip and magazine pages, but also headlined in sources like CNN and The New York Times. Now THAT'S publicity. I completely understand where these girls (women?) are coming from, and yes, I feel for them. It can't be easy having to go through every struggle and problem in the public eye. I can think of a million mistakes I've made and I'm glad that they're not put out there for everyone to know and pry about.
But that's the price they must pay. I'm sure it's nice to be able to buy a new Chanel purse every month and go to the hottest clubs and party until 4am, but all of this comes with a responsibility. After becoming famous, whether by individual accomplishments or family ties, one must realize that you will be viewed by the public, and you have a responsibility to properly represent yourself and your family. I understand they are growing up, and just want to have fun like "normal" people, but I don't make excuses for their actions.
Do I think Kevin deserves full custody of the kids? Maybe. I honestly don't think either of them can single-handedly take care of the two boys and I do feel bad for them, because no matter what, they're going to have one diffcult puberty. I think Britney does need to get herself together and start taking her responsibilities as a mother seriously.
Do I believe Paris has truly changed for the good? Possibly. I think she's earnestly trying. And although I'll never really know the truth about what happened in the jail, I can only hope that she learned her lesson and has matured. Whether she's truly reformed for just a really good actress for the positive publicity, I can only hope that something good comes out of it. And by something good, I mean for the greater community, not her image.
Do I think Lindsay is a wreck and needs to get her act together? Totally. I think she's dealing with desires and issues that are common for people our age (she's a few months younger than me), but I think she needs to find a healthier way to figure out her life, and she really does need more help than she's getting. I almost feel bad for her, because, and I don't know the full story obviously, but it is clear that she is not in a healthy environment that is conducive to her reformation. If she really, truly wants to change, I earnestly think she needs to get away from California and go to Kansas or someplace remote, away from everyone, take a year or so off and really figure out what she wants and what she's doing. Less drastically, she needs to surround herself with positive people and look deep within her soul. It may sound cliche, but it's totally true- I live and believe it. And you know, maybe after all her soul searching, she'll realize that she wants to continue down this destructive path. As long as she comes to that conclusion on her own, without the pressure of society and those around her, and as long as she can accept the consequences of a troubled future, jailtime, and harm to herself, then I say as long as she's not on the same road as me, then good luck to her.
In the end, this is what I say. Give them some time. Give them support. If they want help, offer it. In the end, they have to make their own decisions; it's their life, and they can choose how to live it. Christina went through her phase, and she's honestly matured and grown. Courtney Love went through a dark period, but look at her now. She's slowly coming back. It takes time and it's not easy. But they've got to try.
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