21

the old is gone, the new has come. the end of an era. the beginning of the end. the point of no return. "when you turn 21, all sorts of new doors open." "yes. mostly bar doors." my 21st birthday was nothing overly exciting; it was actually quite routine. went to dinner, opened presents, ate cake, bonded with friends. yes, you can add some wine and shots into that sequence, but basically, it was the same old-same old birthday bash. so what makes this one so much more significant? beside being able to legally enter bars and purchase alcohol, not a whole lot is different. i feel the same. i look the same. i act the same. so what's the big deal about getting older?

oh, i know. it's that number. it may be just a number, but it's a kind-of-a-big-deal number. even if other people don't know your real number, you still have that number stapled to your side for the next 12 months. and with that number comes all sorts of little surprises. there's a certain level of knowledge you're supposed to have, a certain amount of leading you're supposed to do, a degree of maturity that should be reached. there's a gradual change that you don't even notice happening, until 365 days from now when you're sitting in the dark, thinking of the good old days... just a year ago.

where will i be in a year? hopefully with a few prospects for a job, some more direction for my life, and more money in my bank account. at the same time, i know i'll have another year's worth of life lessons, good memories, and $40k worth of knowledge. then there will be those skills and responsibilities i've gained over the year. things like paying for bills, rent, and groceries; cooking dinner and then cleaning afterwards; running errands like going to the bank, doing laundry, and cleaning the apartment. all these little life lessons that have accumulated over the past few years will continue growing and developing.

on the one hand, i feel like my life is finally starting; i'm entering into a new phase of life, one that is full of socializing and late nights. on the other hand, i feel like i'm getting older, and am compelled to act more mature and responsible. but then, i don't feel older, i don't look older, so am i really older? in my bubble of school and friends, it's so easy to feel like i'm still that little awkward girl with braces and bad haircuts. but then when i look around, i realize that everything around me is changing. i see all the new freshmen i've met, and all the students that are no longer at cornell; i realize i've joined that pool of upper-classmen. when did this happen? when did we get so old?

looking back over the past year, i realize it has been one of the best years of my life. i travelled to puerto rico with two very awesome girls, i went to china to discover my "roots", i lived and worked in the best city in the world, and i spent 4 months experiencing another language and culture in ecuador. i went through more in this past year than some do in 4. i also learned more about myself and the world around me than i ever did sitting in the library. for the first time, i feel like i have truly lived. and now, it just blows my mind to think of all that lies ahead of me. what will this next year bring? what new journeys will i take, and what new things will i experience? all i know is this: in the end, when i'm old and grey, rocking in my chair thinking about the time that passed, i want to know that i have learned, loved, and most of all, lived. maybe getting older won't be so bad after all.